It is one thing to be supportive and allow space for the feelings and ebbs and flows of emotion which diminish over time, but I don’t think a person should be the widow/widower’s grief counselor.” Most people who’ve suffered a loss have already built a network of friends and/or family for support.
Many will choose to attend therapy or support groups for help dealing with their pain. When you are dating someone it should be about you and that person having a shared goal of creating a great relationship.
Also, if the person was terminally ill and that illness took a long time to run it’s course, the widowed person may have done a lot of grieving prior to the actual occurrence of death and might be ready to date earlier than ‘the experts’ predict.
For me, it was 18 months before I considered dating again.
The key is that every person is different, and you should take the widow/widower’s word that she/he is ready to date.” There is no specific time range that works for everyone.
Some people may be ready after 6 months, while others may feel ready after 5 years.
“The most common mistake I’ve seen is people getting upset that the widow/widower still has pictures of their departed loved on and not understanding that the relationship ended without consent on the part of both parties.”Judging the widow/widower on the length of time after the death before getting back into the dating game.
Everyone grieves differently, and it’s not fair to impose your own (esp.
I didn’t really feel ready to date until I had worked through the pain and feeling of loss.” “The best advice I have here is to ask the widowed person, “How can I be there for you?
” Realize that at some points the widowed person might need space, and don’t take that personally.
Not all comparisons are bad; they are simply an acknowledgement that something is different than something else.
Most widow(er)s probably wouldn’t expect or want for you to be just like their late spouse, so there’s little use in wondering if you’ll “measure up”.
If the person truly is ready to begin again with someone new they will make room for you in their heart.